Mistress Lori DiLetto and I sat down to discuss the art and science of femdom fetish clips, switching within D/s relationships, roleplaying in all shapes and sizes, and more.
Mistress Blunt: My name is Danielle Blunt. I am a New York City based dominatrix and I am here with Miss Lori DiLetto. Do you want to introduce yourself?
Lori DiLetto: Hello. I am also a New York City based dominatrix. I’m also pro-switch and a BDSM educator.
Mistress Blunt: I’m excited to talk about some of the custom Femdom and BDSM clips that we’ve been making. I don’t know if you can tell, but with our makeup and our getup, we’ve both just finished shooting a custom BDSM clip. I would love to hear a little bit about when you started making fetish clips, and what the transition to online work during the pandemic has looked like for you?
Lori DiLetto: Yeah. This has been something I never anticipated doing, because obviously I don’t show my full face. I would say that pro-domming and pro-switching is not a career for me so much as it’s a job that is helping me achieve my other career goals. I never intended to put my face out there online. I have to be careful about being too recognizable. But then the pandemic happened. We weren’t left with a ton of options.
I guess, first I started doing just clips for existing real life clients that I had. Then I was like, “All right. It seems like this is going to go on for a little while this pandemic. I should probably figure out a way to do this sustainably, to keep my risk somewhat low. It’s like if someone knows me well, and they see me right now, it’s not they’re going to know it’s me.” But hopefully, this obscures enough to flummox facial recognition technology.
I was like, okay. I can do this, and I can get creative, and I can wear … I did some doctor clips where I’m wearing the medical mask.
I also had a lot of questions of like, “How do I translate what I do in person for the camera?” I decided to look at it more as marketing than as venture in and of itself. Because I’m not a very visual person, I’m more verbal, and I’m more action-oriented. I learned all the basics. But this wasn’t something that I was like, “All right. This is what I want to put my heart and soul into.”
I decided to focus on things that I really enjoy doing in session, which is mostly for me, I’m more about the psychology of BDSM. I’m really into elaborate role-play scenarios. I’m also into very fetishy, strict fetish stuff. I decided to focus on those two things. Yeah. I wound up going down some weird internet holes because of that.
Mistress Blunt: I mean, fetish clips can go down some interesting paths for sure. Especially if you’re open and interested in what people’s deepest perversions really are.
Lori DiLetto: That’s fascinating. Fetishes are very particular and they’re really wide-ranging. Obviously, I’m not going to be personally aroused by all of them. But I like being able to understand enough to appreciate what is arousing about something and to try to tap into that. That is really… it’s so fascinating to me and I love it. I love learning about these more esoteric fetishes.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. I think there’s something that’s really interesting for me when I’m asked to make a custom or to do a session for something that’s not my fetish. I think that seeing people’s arousal is really arousing for me. I had this Adam’s apple fetishist who was like, “I want to worship your Adam’s apple.” I was like, “Cool. Not my thing at all, I am so interested in this. Tell me everything. And I wound up getting super turned on in the session.” It wound up in a session where I wound up getting turned on just because this person … the energy that was being shared in the session, where it was never something that I would have thought about in a sexual way. Now sometimes I like see my Adam’s apple and I’m like, “Hmm, hot. I got paid for that.”
Lori DiLetto: I started talking about bespoke BDSM is my tagline. Because for me, it’s always been very much about … and I know this isn’t the popular line. You’re not supposed to be like, “Oh, as the mistress, you’re not supposed to be like, I want to do whatever you want to do.” But I really … as long as I can get into that psychological space of being the one who’s dominant, it doesn’t really matter to me what the particulars are.
I had one guy who wanted me to be a farmer, and he was the rabbit. I was just like, “Okay, that makes sense to me. In terms of domination, I can get into that.” It keeps things fresh and interesting. Yeah. As long as that’s what you’re into, and I’m getting that reaction out of you, the particulars of how I get there don’t so much matter to me. One of the things that is harder about virtual work, especially if you’re doing just clips is that you don’t have that same feedback.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. I feel similarly. When someone’s filling out my contact form, I don’t think of it as them, topping from the bottom. I’m like, “No, you’re merely giving me the tools to get into your psyche, so that I can fuck around.”
Lori DiLetto: Yes.
Mistress Blunt: I just really think of people’s interest or fetish as a tool of getting into their head. There’s so many different ways to do that. I love the farmer and the bunny. Hot.
Lori DiLetto: Right? It’s still a variety that keeps this fun for me. There are certain things that I go back to again and again, both in my professional life and my personal life. But I don’t want to do the same thing all the time.
Mistress Blunt: I feel sometimes there are certain things or keywords in BDSM scenes that really work for people, and they feel hesitant to share what those are, because it feels it’s topping from the bottom. I’m like, “If there is a series of words that puts you immediately into this mush-like subspace, fucking give it to me, because I’m going to use it.”
Lori DiLetto: It makes things easier for both of us. Every time I get one of those session request, it’s like, “I’ll do whatever you want.” I’m like, “You’re just making my life harder.”
First of all, it just tells me that you’re probably not good at communication. That’s not a good first impression. Second of all, it usually ends up being a guessing game. Most of the times when I’ve tried to do whatever I want, it’ll be like, “Well, this isn’t fun for me if you’re not into it.”
As a switch, I feel I have a particular perspective on this. Because when I’m bottoming my likes and limits are still important. I feel some submissives have blurred the line between the fantasy of being degraded and lesser than and actually thinking that way about themselves, which obviously doesn’t work for me as a switch. I’m like, “Your desires are valid and important. The hot part is where we find where those overlap.”
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. Blending that chemistry.
Lori DiLetto: It’s not real control for me. Like, “Yeah. I can force you to do things you don’t want to do. But that’s just not very interesting or appealing to me. I want you to want to do this for me. Help me help you.”
Mistress Blunt: Yes. Help me help you. I remember one scene like this. It wound up turning into an interrogation scene, because I was like, “You know the words that you want to hear and you’re not fucking telling me. I want to hear you say exactly what sentence you want to hear come from my mouth because I want that power. I am tired of guessing games.” It turned into a great scene, because he fucking gave me what we both wanted.
Maybe this is a nice segue into some of the more esoteric clips that I think both of us have been filming. I have found a lot of joy in unpacking certain kinks, specifically, in humiliation clips, and small penis humiliation clips, sissification fantasies, and gender play
Lori DiLetto: Those are some complicated ones.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. Being like, “Well, actually, what do you find humiliating about this? If you’re wearing panties, they’re the same panties that I’m wearing, should I feel humiliated too, and really just breaking it down for people.” Making them say what they want is so fun for me. It’s a unique way of translating it into clips when you don’t necessarily have that other person’s energy to feed off of. I’d love to hear you talk a little bit about what that’s been like for you.
Lori DiLetto: I don’t know if you’ve seen this. But I have a series of clips called fetish deconstruction, which I did purely on a whim just because I was bored one day, and I was like, “I want to talk about how annoying some of the small penis humiliation guys are. I just want to complain about this.”
I turned it into like, “I’m going to humiliate you for wanting to be humiliated.” Show them side-by-side. It was super fun. I did not expect it to sell it all. But he did really well. I drew on a lot of my academic work on gender and sexuality and the intersect, I talked about, “The [inaudible go back and listen] of the big black penis,” and all this fetish stuff. I’m like, “No one’s going to be into this.” They were. They were so into it. I think there is a hunger for people to understand where these fetishes come from.
Lori DiLetto: I did a whole series about different fetishes that are often problematic, but not always problematic. I think what it usually comes down to is how well you understand where this is coming from, and how well you can distinguish between a fantasy and your reality. It’s like, “Do you really believe about yourself that you’re worthless because your penis is small?” Probably not.
I turned it into humiliation by being like, “Oh, well, if you were rich, and you were handsome, and you were funny, and I liked being around you, do you really think I’d give a shit if your dick was small? No.”
Mistress Blunt: I love that. I have a similar clip I filmed with Bardot Smith at Harvard about wealth and Ivy League status.
Lori DiLetto: Right. Of course, it’s hot to play with as long as you understand that. I love helping people understand these things, and also understanding it myself. The more esoteric these fetishes are, it’s like I haven’t necessarily thought about it. I love being able to get nerdy about it.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. It’s funny too because I would not quantify everyone who comes to me for small penis humiliation is actually having a small penis. On average, they are….
Lori DiLetto: Average. [Both laugh]
Mistress Blunt: Hopefully this doesn’t ruin the fantasy for anyone… This one guy, he was just so obsessed with it. He’s like, “Oh, this is why I can’t get a girl. This is why I can’t please a woman.” I looked at him. and was like, “The reason that you can’t get a girl is because you’re more obsessed with the size of your dick than having an interest in actually pleasing a woman.”
I was like, “You would rather obsess about this than learn how to be a useful and communicative partner.” That was more interesting to me.
Lori DiLetto: It does. It really does. I did want to do some fetish stuff, but I was mostly planning on doing the popular fetishes, like feet and pantyhose and stuff like that. Then I sat down. I did my research. I looked at all the categories on Clips4Sale, and there are hundreds of fucking categories. I did two lists. I did one of most popular fetishes. I did one of least popular fetishes.
There’s two tactics you can take as a businesswoman. It’s like you can compete with 10,000 other people making foot fetish clips. You’re going to make some sales, because there’s a lot of people buying, but there’s also a lot of people selling. Or you can go to these categories. The ones that stuck out to me because I was dating someone at the time, who had a swimming pool was the swim cap category. I didn’t know that was a thing. But it’s latex. It’s tight. I guess I get it.
There’s maybe, I don’t know, 35 clips in the entire category. But you know if the category exists, someone asked for it. I say, “Let me just try doing that and see what happens.” I wouldn’t say it was a huge seller, obviously. But people bought it because there’s not a ton of competition. I started getting more into those because it was really interesting for me to think about the ways that these things can be arousing and to try to tap into that and to, occasionally, do some research of watching other clips and trying to see what they focus on.
That appeals to me, and one of the things I ended up doing, again, just as a lark, just to see how it went was giantess stuff. I think ended up doing really well. I’m like, “Okay. I’ll do some more of that.” Then the more I did, the more requests that I’d get. It’s just I never thought that I would be a giantess specialist. But I have fallen into that role. I love it because giantess stuff is in some ways it’s so simple. It’s a child’s understanding of power.
It’s literally just like, “Oh, I’m tiny, and you’re super big.” That’s the most literal power differential there is. To understand the ways that people come to eroticize that and maybe you’re reading Jack and the Beanstalk, as a kid like this, I can’t wait to have kids because I’m just going to know I’m going to be like, “Oh, god. This is going to give him a weird fetish.” I think that people tell you they’re like, I have …
Mistress Blunt: Write it in the baby book.
Lori DiLetto: You can’t prevent these things. Someone’s going to latch on to something. People being like, “Yeah. It’s like four years old and reading Jack and the Beanstalk.” Somehow, that just lodged somewhere in their brain. Here we are, 30 years later, and I’m making you a clip of me stepping on a little man.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. Those desires of powerlessness and power and are a really tangible, concrete way. That is extremely popular.
Lori DiLetto: Yeah. I think part of it might just be Clips4Sale. When I was looking at platforms, the main thing I considered, because I retired for a few years, and then came back. I was trying to rebuild my client base again. I was looking like, “Okay. I just want the most popular platform so that I can find new clients.” Clips4Sale is a giant. Sorry. They’ve been around forever.
I think they’re really popular with certain communities in ways that I had not been aware of, but I think especially in the giantess and the shrinking communities, which are distinct but overlapping, and now I get a lot of requests as well. Those clips, I post them on only fans as well. I think the people on only fans are just like, “What?” It really depends on the platform, too.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. I’ve probably watched more giantess porn and giantess fetish clips than I have made them. I’m like, “I can totally see this.” It’s not my fetish. But I can see it being super hot. Especially as something that translates power through a screen and through a clip in a way that you might not be able to feel as with camera angles, I think, can almost be more effective via a screen than an in-person. I think that that’s something that translates really well to a fetish Femdom clip.
Lori DiLetto: That’s a really good point. Yeah. Thinking about the things that work on the screen versus real life is something I still consider because I love doing stuff with sensation play. You really can’t translate a lot of that. But I went to as an online webinar with Simone Justice on translating in-person session dynamics to phone stuff. I started doing phone stuff as well. I was really curious and I signed up for that. She talked about painting a scene for people with your words, which really appeals to me, because I’m a verbal person. I was thinking about ways to do that while I’m talking in clips. I do a lot of talking in my clips to try to approximate some of those in-person dynamics, and also just for other people who are maybe more verbal than they are visual. Although, It helps to have my tips out, too, while I’m doing it.
Mistress Blunt: I feel my background in yoga and meditation has made adapting to online work and making more fetish clips and femme domme clips a little bit easier, because of my experience with visualization, I think lends itself really well to translating in-person sensations to online dynamics. I’m also so often so verbal in in-person sessions that I take that.
But when I first started filming clips, it was actually my ex-partner who would film them. He would be jerking off aligned with what I was saying. It was very adaptable. I would actually get physical feedback as well as cues from him, which I think really helps me with the pacing so that even when that person isn’t there shooting, I often conjure up a partner of who I would be talking to, or if I’m filming a custom for someone. I conjure them up in my brain and pretend that I’m doing an in-person session with them.
Lori DiLetto: Yeah. I do that as well. I think probably most of us do. I think that’s the main trick we use is to just pretend we’re talking to them. I do a lot of POV stuff. Just pretend the person is here. I’m talking to them. I was a theater kid, though. Which I think it’s one of the things that appeals to me about this work in particular is that it’s very theatrical, even when you’re only performing for an audience of one.
I have a curtain and a black curtain and some lights and you’re just like, “All right. This is my stage and I’m not performing for anyone at the moment. I’m going to imagine the eventual audience.
Lori DiLetto: I think this overlaps with my personal interest in role-play. Because I would say that the majority of my interests at this point have some element of role-play to them. I just love roleplay. I think there’s some misconceptions about role-play where people think that you need to have really good acting skills, and you don’t. You just need to be able to get out of your head for a little bit, which I think is helpful for a lot of people when they’re doing BDSM especially for the first few times.
I like to pick just archetypes. I’m like, “I’m not playing a character named Joni or somebody.” I’m just like, “Okay. I’m a secretary. What would I be like as a secretary?” and just go with that. A lot of it is about the improv with your partner. Getting really in tune with them. As long as you can get out of your head and pay attention to the other person, I think role-play works really well.
Mistress Blunt: It’s interesting that you frame it like that, because I think you’re talking about powerlessness and power. There’s something about when you’re talking about tapping into a role, or an archetype that frees you, I’m thinking of how people express a similar feeling through bondage that being confined or constrained allows their brain to relax and be more sexual. The way you were describing role-play I don’t think of it necessarily as bondage, but it is a confinement of you now know what to do and the constraints and rules of your role, which might be a path to help you get out of your head.
I feel I used to be the person who was like, “BDSM isn’t play. This is real.” Whatever’s happening here is authentic and real. I was on a more spiritual path. It wasn’t until I had a submissive who was an actress who was explaining how similar a lot of the things that she would do in acting school were to the things that we would do in sessions and about how it’s a matter of invoking an archetype, or invoking a feeling and that in and of itself is and can be very real.
Lori DiLetto: The feeling is real.
Mistress Blunt: Yes. It’s a matter of tapping into that feeling or archetype that play can become real. My thoughts about it have changed a lot. Because of that change, role-play has gotten a lot more fun for me. But for me, it’s always something that shifts very fluidly. I can go from mommy, to babysitter, to secretary, to your boss, just moving through all of these different dynamics and with a few of the people that I play with.
Lori DiLetto: Yeah. I think there’s also something to be said for the therapeutic aspects of role-play. I know we’ve both talked about how BDSM is not therapy, but it can be therapeutic and I think about … For the viewers that don’t know, I’m in grad school for social work. I’ve taken some clinical classes, and there’s often role-play involved in those classes of how would you get through this scenario with a client.
Also using role-play in your therapy practice with clients, and understanding both the similarities and the differences between that and a BDSM role-play. But, obviously, the ways you do it are different. You’re not going to have sex with your therapy clients. You’re not going to tell them to strip down and dub over. But the goal is the same as we want to help you tap into certain emotions that maybe you are cutting yourself off from, or maybe we want to help you.
Lori DiLetto: Oftentimes, therapeutic role-play will be used to help people prepare for some confrontation. Like, “Okay. I want to confront my parents about this. I want to talk to my wife about this.” Be like, “Okay. Let’s pretend that I’m the wife, and you’re going to talk to me about it. Let’s see how it goes.” To prepare people for something, and to help them explore those emotions, and I feel that’s true in a BDSM context as well.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. There’s something about both of those instances that you describe of a somatic embodiment of different personas, or roles. I’ve read a lot of … I believe his name is William Cornell, who writes a lot about somatic therapy. A lot of what he’s talking about in these workshops is very similar to what’s happening in a role-play session, just that it’s not necessarily sexual.
Mistress Blunt: There’s also that stepping into someone else’s role so that you can tap into what they’re feeling or experiences at play. I also feel transference and countertransference within a BDSM scene are super present.
Lori DiLetto: Oh, yeah.
Mistress Blunt: I feel one thing that I’ve learned from my background in psychology and I’m also totally in team “BDSM can be therapeutic and cathartic, but it’s not therapy.” If you want it to be that, you should go see a therapist to compliment and process whatever somatic work we are doing in the dungeon.
There’s something about transference and countertransference. I don’t know if you want to help me with this definition here. But the idea that you can’t detach yourself from your own personal roles and attachments, and that projection and counter-projection play a huge role in the relationship between a patient and a therapist. I think that that is so true in all sex work dynamics, especially in ones that involve a power dynamic.
Mistress Blunt: I mean, we have some training in it because of our academic background. But there’s not that training of like, “Oh.”
Lori DiLetto: Right. There’s no formal BDSM doctorate degree.
Mistress Blunt: Your master’s in BDSM.
Lori DiLetto: Mistress’ of BDSM.
Mistress Blunt: But it wasn’t really until studying psychology that I really was able to understand how transference was playing a role in my work, and how to play with the projections that people were putting on me and make sure that I was able to be better at containing them..
Lori DiLetto: I like that.
Mistress Blunt: But that also feels very much like role-play related and containing the roles.
Lori DiLetto: I feel sex workers and dominatrixes in particular, we get training. But unlike a profession, and I use that term as something that is standardized, regulated, there’s a governing body. There’s accreditation, and all that shit. The difference is it’s informal in the ways that we pass these on to each other. It’s a lot more about community and solidarity and mentoring and just helping the next girl stay safe and do well and make money, which I think is really beautiful.
But it’s this haphazard process of learning of … for me when I think about transference and countertransference in a sex work contract. I don’t think I’ve ever used those words in that context. But I do think it applies. Does that make sense? I think about making sure I’m not projecting my own emotional means in an inappropriate way, which is also something you have to do as a therapist. It’s not about me and my emotional needs.
I’m here to hold space for you and your needs right now, which I feel is a lot of what sex workers do as well. I feel we learn that by trial and error of every sex worker has that story of like, “Oh, that one time that I got too close to a client and that it ruined our client relationship.”
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. Definitely. I think too, even just having language from another industry to describe when someone is projecting something onto me, just helps me better understand it and be able to contain it in a vessel and also to be like, “I’m not a therapist.”
Lori DiLetto: Yes. Yeah, for sure.
Mistress Blunt: I feel it does happen a lot in D/s dynamics, too. Especially when there’s this deification of the domme who can do no wrong, and all of a sudden, you have to cancel a session because you’re sick. But dommes and goddess’ get sick. You’ve then cracked this projection that they have of you up on this pedestal, and understanding how different things can break the frame for people and what that does for those dynamics.
Lori DiLetto: Yeah. I talked about that in one of my clips, as well as. The fetish deconstruction series, I did one on female supremacy and this idea of what happens if you just reverse the gender hierarchy and put women at the top? I talked about this idea of there’s two ways to dehumanize someone. It’s to either make them less than human, or it’s to make them more than human. It’s you’re an infallible goddess.
Lori DiLetto: It’s like, “Well, then that means I’m not a person who makes mistakes and learns from them. That’s a problem for both of us.” Again, I’m appreciating the fantasy of that and what the fantasy does and draws on and wanting to play with the fantasy. But also being like, “Oh, it’s not really good basis for your personal politics as women are goddess.” To think that women … we’re people and we’re learning.
Lori DiLetto: It’s also for your own safety. A dominator, it’s very seriously thinks that she can’t fuck up. That’s dangerous. You don’t want to play with that person. You want someone who can be like, “Oh, hey, you know what? My bad. I’m going to make sure that doesn’t happen again. Let’s work around it.” I like to point out to remind them, “We’re two people doing this and having fun and learning.” I know that’s not everyone’s dynamic, which is totally fine. But I like to just be like, “Oh, that didn’t go as planned.”
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. Yeah. I think it’s very humanizing. Also, which is helpful in the maintenance of relationships where you are being fetishized to a certain extent. I’ve also started including some of that in my pre-scene negotiation of like, “Do you feel comfortable stopping something if it goes wrong, or when something goes wrong, not if? Do we have the skills and the tools to figure that out?”
That’s oftentimes for more personal play, but they do it to some extent, as well, in my professional practice, because I think that going into a scene and going into a therapy session, assuming that your therapist isn’t going to make mistakes.
Lori DiLetto: Got it. Yeah.
Mistress Blunt: Setting you up for failure. Like any relationship, therapeutic, personal, a relationship with a sex worker, if you go into that situation with the expectation of everything will always go great. That is just about never the case when you’re interacting in an inter-subjective experience with another person who literally cannot read your mind.
Lori DiLetto: I try to tell people, I tend to market myself towards people who are new to BDSM and nervous about it, because I feel I’m pretty good at putting people at ease. What I tell them, if they’ve never really done this before is that “expect it to take three sessions before we get into that space that you fantasize about.” The first one is about me getting to know you and understand your reactions. Because everybody, it’s like, “Okay, I like corporal.” That means something different to literally everyone. I need to figure out what that means for you, and not just throw you in at the deep end, because probably you wouldn’t come back. Also, I don’t really think that’s ethical. The first time is me getting to know your desires, and possibly you getting to know them, too. The second time more really incorporating that. Then the third time is we get into the flow. I think that’s also true for therapy where you have to see a therapist a couple times first to establish that rapport before you really feel comfortable coming to them with your issues.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. I think it’s through that regularity of seeing someone, too. I think this is why I’ve never really appealed to hobbyists, because I still explicitly say on my website like, “I have no interest in seeing you if your only interest is to see me once.” I don’t care if it winds up that way. If we don’t gel, that’s fine. I say similar things with people, which is like, “I’m really good at finding chemistry with people.” I think I can find chemistry with most people. But it’s a matter of finding that chemistry.
Lori DiLetto: Yeah.
Mistress Blunt: It takes time, especially if you’re working with people who have repressed desires, or if you’re working with newbies who haven’t had experience putting the things that they’ve been fantasizing about into their bodies. It can look really different than what they spent 30, 60 years fantasizing about, and then realizing like, “Oh, I actually can’t even physically kneel on my knees,” when I’m at the scene.
Lori DiLetto: I actually enjoy doing one-off sessions! Sometimes with people who … their whole thing is like, “I just want variety. I want to see different dommes approach the same thing.” Usually, they know exactly what they’re looking for, which I really appreciate. They’re able to communicate that well. I’ve had a couple of those one-off sessions that have gone really well because the guy just says exactly what he’s looking for. We do it once. He’s really into it. It worked for him. It worked for me.
Then he was like, “Thank you. That’s what I needed. I got what I needed. Now, I’m going to try the whole experience all over again.” I’m like, “That’s cool. That’s great.” But yeah, on the other hand, it’s also really nice, especially for someone like me, who’s more into the psychological aspects of developing that over time and watching how it evolves.
Mistress Blunt: I think I could differentiate, too, between my … I think where I have a hard time in my personal professional practice is when people are using language of female supremacy and obsession and devotion in a way where it’s very clear that it’s just a copy and paste one-off message.
Lori DiLetto: Oh, no, no, no, no.
Mistress Blunt: For fetishes in role-play scenes, I’m definitely more open to seeing people who want variety. Sometimes people really know what works for them and know what they want. You can get into that flow of them really fast. But I think for them more psychological scenes, or for people who do want to explore actual D/s dynamics, it really just doesn’t work for me and for one-off scenes. It leaves me feeling shitty.
Lori DiLetto: Yeah. I think as a switch, I probably don’t attract those same kinds of people that women who are strictly dommes do, because they have this idea that like, “Oh, well, if you’re submissive then you’re less than. If you’re switch then, I don’t know, what is it, make me like 50% pathetic.” I feel not really sure.
But actually, I would say that most of my regulars over the years are other switches, which I love. Actually, I started out, and I don’t talk a lot. But I started out my personal life as a sub and thought that that was only what I was into, until I started to realize that I was one of those … I don’t want to call myself a brat because I’m not always a brat. But sometimes I can be bratty. I realized that what was really appealing to me was the power dynamic and playing with that power dynamic and challenging that power dynamic.
I started doing that from the bottom. But then I started experimenting with doing it from the top as well. Then I started working as a dominatrix and spent more time doing it that way. Now, it’s like I understand the appeal of both sides. I like finding other people who have that similar mindset. The last in-person session I did, which I’m not doing a ton these days. But the last one I did was a switch role-play, tickle scene, where he was a TSA officer, and I was smuggling drugs.
I got little baggies and filled them with flour and hid them on my body. He stripped searched me and whatever. Then like, “Oh, I won’t report you if you let me tie you up and tickle you.” Like, “Okay. Okay.” But then I escaped, and I turned the tables on him. The most exciting part for me is always that moment of the … and I know not everyone switches this way. I don’t always. But it really appeals to me to have that moment of where the tables turn. That, to me, is just super erotic.
But anyway, yeah, I think that probably changes the kinds of people who approach me. I don’t get those kinds of annoying guys, but I get other kinds of annoying guys. But then I get the cool ones, too, like the guy who wants to do like a TSA tickle role-play. I’m like, “That’s amazing. I love this.”
Mistress Blunt: I think also what I love about working as a Domme is that I get this chance to step into someone else’s fantasy that they’ve been creating in their head for whoever knows how long and I feel I get to have a bunch of experiences that I wouldn’t necessarily have had if there wasn’t this container for it. For you, that TSA tickle switch scene. I can think of one of my regulars about how much I appreciate him because he’s such a gear heavy player and I’m very much a psychological and sensation player. When we come together for sessions, he brings all of this really amazing gear that I just would never have thought to acquire! He is very generous and is gifting me a latex vacbed for the holidays.
Lori DiLetto: You’re getting it. Are you doing the clear or are you doing the black?
Mistress Blunt: Oh, my god. I still don’t know. I think I’m just going to … What do you think?
Lori DiLetto: Okay. I mean, I don’t do a ton of mummification stuff. But I would say that the thing that appeals to me about it personally is to be able to watch it. The idea of having a transparent vacbed is super appealing to me. But other people are more into the objectification aspect. Yeah. I don’t know. Me, personally, I would do clear.
Mistress Blunt: I think I might do the black one. I’ve been watching the pandemic change my fetishes. Now, i’m like, “How much distance can we have between us so that it’s safe?”
Lori DiLetto: Yeah.
Mistress Blunt: It’s been very objectifying. I’m super interested in what new fetishes are going to come up the pandemic. What are your thoughts?
Lori DiLetto: I’m already loving it. I think it was Mistress Odette who posted something either today or yesterday of her in this clear, yellow hazmat suit. I was just like, “Oh, my god. I’m into this now.” This is the thing I’m into. We’re just discovering new things to be into, to deal with our … I liked it summarized BDSM especially for people who are skeptical as like, “This is a way that we cope with our fears. We sexualize them in order to cope with them, just some people are into haunted houses, and some people are into rollercoasters, some people are into weird psychosexual role-plays. It’s fine, as long as you’re … just be safe.”
We’re going to sexualize a lot of this stuff as a way to deal. Not necessarily consciously. I mean, fetishes, people don’t really … I know we like to talk sometimes about implanting fetishes and stuff. But I think for the most part, people are just into what they’re into. As a dominatrix, my thing is to find out how your particular thing appeals to me and how I can manipulate it. I want to see how that plays out with shit like masks and gloves.
Mistress Blunt: You imagine how was it someone’s hand after this is not in your pod?
Lori DiLetto: It’s beautiful. I think that human sexuality is this creative and diverse. But yeah, I’m especially interested to see what happens 30 years from now, and the children who … not to like sexualized children. But this is how sexuality develops is from a young age, you latch on to certain things, and it forms these weird connections in your brain and to see how that’s going to play out 30 years from now, when someone’s client is just like, “My earliest memories are everyone wearing masks and gloves.” It’s so fascinating to me.
Mistress Blunt: It’s very real, too. People’s critical relational development is happening in a time where everyone’s wearing masks and you can’t actually get that facial feedback and that mirror and attunement all the time, especially with strangers. I think it’s going to be really interesting, both developmentally and what fetishes people acquire to cope.
Lori DiLetto: Yeah, for sure. Hopefully, there’s eyebrow fetishes out in the world, because I do. It kills me that I can’t show them right now. But I do have very large, luscious eyebrows. We need more people who appreciate eyebrows in this world. I will say my giant … Yes. Yes. Twenty years from now, hit me up. The clip that I just shot with the giantess, he’s also really into my eyebrows. I have this thing.
I just hold up the little toy car, this still allows me to obscure half my face, and just hold up little car in front of my enormous eyebrows. Stare into it. So fun. So fun.
Mistress Blunt: It’s like play. It’s so playful, which I feel like a lot of people don’t do in their adult life.
Lori DiLetto: Yeah. Honestly, this job has ruined other jobs for me, which I think is great in a lot of ways. I tried retiring. I was moving on to a different phase of my life. I was like, “Oh, I can work an office job for a little while.” I feel like it was … not to say that anyone loves sitting at a computer doing boring shit all day. But I feel for me, it was especially hard because I was so used to the creativity and intellectual curiosity of this.
Lori DiLetto: It’s like, now, when I’m moving on, I spent a lot of time thinking about like, “Okay, well, what do you really want to do with my life?” I settled on social work because it has a lot of the same psychological fascination for me. But it’s like, now, I won’t settle for something worrying because I know we don’t have to.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. It does make other forms of labor less interesting, often less profitable, and boring.
Lori DiLetto: In that sense, I hope I’m always doing something as crazy and awesome as yelling at a little man in a car.
Mistress Blunt: I hope that for you, too. I’ve been getting a request from someone who’s really into messy facial scenes, which is not something I normally do. I was really interested. He was really into the idea. I was like, “Okay. I will happily make you this clip. But it’s definitely going to have a dominant spin on it.”
Lori DiLetto: You’re going to do it your way. Yeah.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. I’m going to do it my way. He loved it. It was this mutual jerk off instructional scene where Mistress, of course, comes first and encourages you to come all over her face, but only if you’re going to clean it off. I think it’s been very fun for me. I started off as a pro-domme. I made some fetish clips. Then I started doing more BDSM porn for kink.com and other places. I feel there’s this idea that dommes aren’t penetrated, or dommes don’t have sex, or don’t like X, Y and Z, or that it is a …
Lori DiLetto: I have so many thoughts about that, so many thoughts about that. Part of it, I think, is the desire of a lot of dominators and switches. I don’t want to do that form of sex work. I’m just going to say that this is not a thing that we do. But then because of criminalization, people can’t be clear about what their actual fucking boundaries are. They create this myth of like, “Oh, well, I’ll never touch dick. I’ll never do this.” For some people, that’s true. For other people, it’s like, “Are they just saying that because they have to,” which I hate that aspect.
Mistress Blunt: Meanwhile, there’s things like inside of someone up until their elbow and they’re like, “I don’t have sex?”
Lori DiLetto: Right. I mean, how do we define sex is another aspect of … how does the law define sex? They don’t give a fuck if your fist is inside someone else, or if their fist is inside you. Legally, that is the same thing. Then there’s the third thing, which is like, “What does domination mean?” This week, speaking about chastity guys who this was another target of one of my rants of who think like, “Oh, well, I’ll do this for you, because women hate having sex, and wouldn’t the world be a better place if all men were in chastity?”
Lori DiLetto: Like, “Who told you that? This is your fetish.” Maybe I don’t want to have sex with you. But the idea that I don’t want to have sex with anyone, who told you that?
Of course, you can be dominant and have sex.
Mistress Blunt: I think there’s something, too, that’s very both … it’s homophobic that penetrative sex is inherently submissive.
With the porn that I make, turning that on its head and unpacking that. It’s like, “No. I’m going to use you for my pleasure. Then we’ll see what happens to you.” Chastity, devices aren’t something that I’ve actually played a lot with my 12 or 13-year career as a domme because I’m like, “If you cannot touch it, just because I told you not to touch it, we’re not even on the same wavelength.”
Lori DiLetto: I like that. I will say chastity is not one of my main interest, although I am into orgasm control, of combining those things, yeah, I’d be into that. I don’t do a lot of chastity just for logistical reasons. If you get stuck and need me to come out at 2:00 in the morning on a Tuesday to get that off your dick, like, “I’m sorry. I’m not doing that. You have to go to the hospital.” But technology, God bless technology, is making it so much easier. Have you seen those like apps now? There’s …
Mistress Blunt: Like self timer and remote access apps. I’m imagining some vigilante who’s unblocking all potential chastity.
Lori DiLetto: Oh, my god. That would be amazing. Or the opposite of someone who’s just like, “I don’t want anyone to ever be able to take these off ever again.”
Mistress Blunt: Yeah!
Lori DiLetto: Yikes. Yikes. Yeah. During a pandemic, we don’t want to be sending people to the hospital to get their chastity devices cut off.
Mistress Blunt: I think I’m really interested in orgasm control, too. I think just the way my personal kink formed. I’m much more interested in orgasm control and knowing that someone isn’t touching themselves because I told them not to, not because they physically can’t. I think I’m much more interested in mental bondage or predicaments then.
Lori DiLetto: Mental bondage, I feel it’s something that I’ve been getting a lot more into, thanks to this virtual era of like, “I can’t tell you up, but why wouldn’t you just lay there? Just do what I tell you to do.”
Mistress Blunt: I’m telling you, too. Why would you even move? I feel there’s some meditative hypno things that go really well.
I like pinning people up against their own desire, where they’re then choosing to do what I said over their desire to just come whenever they want to. That is what’s erotic.
Lori DiLetto: That’s the part where I’m like, “Tell me what you’re into, because then I can force you to do things you’re not into.” I get that that could be appealing for some people of just brute force, like, “Okay, cool. That’s not it for me. Yeah. I want to find that thing that you really want to do, and use it against you.”
Mistress Blunt: Yes.
Lori DiLetto: It’s not great.
Mistress Blunt: Yeah. Give us the information. Yeah. Cool. Well, thank you so much for chatting with me about all of this kinky stuff. It’s been so nice to connect with people in this way to talk about the cool BDSM clips that we’re making and to be able to be in community with other workers when we can’t.
Lori DiLetto: This is such a brilliant idea. I love it so much. I cannot wait to see you post it and hopefully I will post it as well. Everyone will enjoy our brilliance.
Mistress Blunt: Okay. Yes. Beautiful. Where can people find you?
Lori DiLetto: Excellent question. I try to direct everyone to one place just to keep things simple. During the pandemic, I found out that newyorkcitydominatrix.com was only $18. I purchased it and redirected everything there. Go to newyorkcitydominatrix.com and then you’ll find links to my clip store, my fans site, my phone line, and for … I’m taking limited in-person appointments right now. Then hopefully when all this is over, we can see each other in person. Yeah, newyorkcitydominatrix.com.
Mistress Blunt: Amazing. Well, thank you so much, Miss Lori DiLetto. It was a pleasure to chat with you and I’ll talk to you soon.
Lori DiLetto: All right. Take care.