What is a lifestyle Femdom?
Since you have found your way to this website, I assume you understand the basics of the services that a professional dominatrix provides. But what is a lifestyle Femdom? Perhaps you’ve dreamt of her. The girlfriend who knows intuitively how to take control. The one who orders for the both of you at a restaurant, who keeps you locked in chastity while she goes out on a date. Someone who keeps you locked in a cage when she isn’t using you, makes you work just for the chance to think of kissing her feet. A woman who prioritizes her pleasure above all else.
There are many similarities between a lifestyle dominatrix and a professional dominatrix. The main difference being the demarcated boundaries of a scene based on a submissive’s fantasies in a professional relationship and the way that a lifestyle femdom folds BDSM and her D/s relationships into every aspect of her daily life.
A lifestyle femdom is someone who incorporates aspects of BDSM and Dominant/submissive (D/s) dynamics into their personal life and personal relationships. She may have owned and collared submissives who serve her in her daily life. For a lifestyle femdom, BDSM activities are not relegated to the dungeon. Instead they may take place in the realm of the domestic and can extend into every avenue of life, not just a demarcated scene. Lifestyle Femdoms organize their lifestyles around female-led relationships (FLR) and their dominance is infused into their daily existence. This can also look more like Femdom GFE, where the intimacy of a sexual relationship is intertwined with power and control.
Lifestyle Femdom is not based on the fantasies of the submissive or their desire to engage in a particular fetish or kink. Rather, the sexual, financial, and practical desires of the lifestyle dominatrix are paramount in the world of a lifestyle femdom.
What do your lifestyle femdom dynamics look like?
As a lifestyle Femdom, when I go out with my submissive I may have them walk a pace behind me, chauffeur me to dates, clean my apartment, format citations for an article I am writing, or rub my feet. When we eat at a restaurant, they may have to ask permission before eating, or they might not be allowed to eat at all. Perhaps I make them kneel at my feet in public while we sit in the park.
Many of my lifestyle femdom dynamics have stemmed from the fact that I only date submissives and find service to be incredibly erotic. As a professional dominatrix who is also a lifestyle Femdom, sometimes my lifestyle dynamics stem from client relationships where their primary desire or fetish is to please and serve another. In these situations as trust grows, and as it is mutually desirable, I take more control and offer more opportunities to serve me in my personal and domestic life. In my experience, finding a lifestyle submissive who is truly interested in prioritizing the needs and pleasures of another over their own is a rare and beautiful thing.
Are professional dominatrixes and lifestyle femdoms the same thing?
No, though there is often overlap. Some lifestyle femdoms are also professional dominatrixes though most professional dominatrixes are not lifestyle femdoms. A professional dominatrix’s skillset is often to cater to the desires of a client and craft scenes based on her submissive’s interests. For the lifestyle femdom focuses on her desires, her needs, as well as co-creating scenes with her submissive’s. For the lifestyle femdom, the dynamic does not end when a scene ends or the hour comes to a close. While a professional dominatrix might enjoy the labor of crafting a scene for you based on your interests, the relationship between a lifestyle submissive and dominant is more co-creative where the submissive is actually serving the needs, fantasies and desires of their dominant.
I am both a professional dominatrix and a lifestyle femdom. I was trained in a lifestyle leather household that prioritized domestic service, devotion, and total submission. When I learned how to do bondage, I learned bondage that allowed someone to still complete their domestic servitude tasks. This is and always has been my preference. I enjoy when someone is willing and able to devote themselves to me completely and serve me in all aspects of my life. Because my interest in BDSM is so vast and varied and I know the sacrifice it takes to be a lifestyle submissive, I also pursued a career in professional domination because I enjoy crafting scenes and getting to play and co-create with a broader range of individuals than just my lifestyle submissives. For me the thrill of domination extended to financial as well as domestic service offerings by my submissives and my partners.
What is an example of the difference between a Lifestyle Femdom and a Professional Dominatrix?
For those still confused about the difference between a professional dominatrix and a lifestyle femdom, here is an example: A client contacts me with the fantasy of cleaning my house. He wants to be transformed into a sissy maid and corrected for his cleaning technique. This is a scene where I am catering to someone’s fantasy. This falls into the realm of professional domination, though the fantasy takes place in the realm of the domestic. Here, I am expected to pay attention to this little sissy slut and point out that she missed a spot, and maybe punish her accordingly. The enjoyment for my client comes through the fulfillment of his fantasy. The enjoyment for me comes through monetary contribution to my life and the chance to play and be creative and co-create a scene.
Another scenario: My house is dirty. I want it cleaned. I instruct my submissive to clean my house. We could end the sentence here, but for the sake of more clarity, my submissive’s enjoyment of the activity comes from the desire to please me. We are both satisfied when my house is cleaned. Perhaps I reward my submissive by letting him kiss my feet, words of praise, or sending him home with a pair of my panties to sleep with. Or perhaps his satisfaction lies in a job well done.
How does money fit into the world of lifestyle domination?
A professional dominatrix charges hourly for her time, the relationship is more overtly transactional. While a lifestyle femdom might do the same, she might also expect gifts, tribute, and support in other tangible ways such as a monthly arrangement or exercising total control over her submissive’s finances.
Lifestyle femdom is not a 24/7 curated session for the submissive’s benefit. Nothing is further from the truth. In fact, the financial support the submissive gifts to their Domme in a lifestyle arrangement will often exceed the cost of multiple sessions with a professional dominatrix. In a lifestyle dynamic, the sub exists for his Domme’s fantasies, needs, and desires. Lifestyle femdom takes BDSM out of the realm of fantasy and plants it firmly in reality. This means a lifestyle submissive’s tasks may include cleaning, cooking, running errands, doing research, and providing financial resources. Much of a lifestyle submissive’s time might also be spent waiting to be of use to his Domme. For me, even in my lifestyle BDSM relationships, financial commitment is a key part of a submissive’s role.
Pursuing a lifestyle dynamic with me is not a cheaper way to engage with me than a session. I expect more devotion and sacrifice from my lifestyle submissives than I do from a client.
Why does the lifestyle femdom enjoy a BDSM relationship?
I can only answer for myself. I enjoy the intimacy and protocol that lifestyle dynamics infuse into my relationships. The deeper I go with my submissives, the happier I am. It brings me joy to bring our dynamic out of the dungeon and into the realm of everyday life. I also like to infuse my lifestyle dynamics with total power exchange (TPE) and find it incredibly erotic to fully possess a consenting individual as my property. My training of my lifestyle submissive is something I take pride in, and expect only the best service. I might be biased, but my lifestyle submissives are some of the best trained submissive’s I’ve met. They are finely tuned to anticipate my needs and focus on and prioritize my pleasure at all times.
At any given time I may have multiple submissives doing work for me on my website, writing me erotica, massaging me, cleaning my house, running errands for me, buying me luxury goods, sending mutual aid where I direct them to, tailoring my clothing, planning a vacation for me. Whatever my submissive’s skillset is, I seek to extract talent from them and help them grow so they can better serve me. I have had my lifestyle submissives take cooking classes, massage classes, etc. My world is based on my pleasure and lifestyle femdom ensures my pleasure is always the goal and always achieved.
What is the appeal for the sub in Lifestyle Femdom dynamics?
Think of bringing pleasure to your Domme in so many ways you cannot list them all. Think of the inherent primal satisfaction of seeing your raison d’etre constantly satisfied and happy with what you have done to make her life easier. You will learn to ensure your service always exceeds her expectations. Think of the sexual charge of being constantly inundated with the scent, sound and thoughts of your Lifestyle Dominatrix in the real world.
If these thoughts do not overwhelm you with excitement you may not be a candidate for lifestyle domination. It is not for everyone. Lifestyle Domination is not for the average fetishist. That said, for those of you lucky enough to earn a relationship with a lifestyle dominant, your life will have more meaning than ever before. When your every action is yoked to the desire and pleasure of your dominant it can transform your life completely.
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