There is a question on my intake form that asks, “When was the last time you cried?” While all of the answers that I receive are fascinating and revealing, the one that stood out to me the most was a from a genderqueer person who answered the last time they cried was when they were looking for a dominatrix and they were all geared towards submissive men. Since then I’ve taken greater effort to make it clear that I adore playing with folks across the gender spectrum. Recently, I received this session feedback from a sweet non-binary femme which I am sharing below with permission:
“I really enjoyed the session last week. I was anxious going in that the first time had been a fluke somehow and that I’d realize this wasn’t for me, but that definitely wasn’t the case.
It also continues to surprise me how therapeutic I find BDSM. Part of that is definitely the bondage, which is probably my favorite part. I think I personally feel a lot of the time like I need to constrict myself and make myself smaller and not fill up a space, and there was a moment during the session when you told me to allow myself to fill up the space in the ropes while breathing, which has continued to resonate with me. It also helps, I think, to take a feeling and interact with it as a physical sensation and not just an inner one, which is what bondage feels like to me.
The other therapeutic part is definitely the feminization / gender exploration. I find it very anxiety-relieving to be able to explore my gender in a sexual environment without fear of judgment, something which I’ve not gotten to do since coming out and realizing that I was trans. My gender has long been something I worried about when it came to potentially entering into a relationship with someone in the future. Being able to explore that in our sessions has made me less anxious about simple things like the terms I use for my body, and whether they are “acceptable” or not.
I think usually I feel like I have to apologize in some way to people around me for my body and my gender, for not being a cis man. Walking out of the session last week, I felt like I had much more ownership over my body and gender, and I’ve been feeling that way since then. Thank you so much for that, and I really can’t wait for next time!”